Some fears compliment other fears

A phobia is something that has a background to it... its a fear, an emotion. 

Human's are supposed to be able to control their emotions and once I too believed this. It was until I realized there are times we will lose ourselves to our emotion.

  Insomnia and anxiety all come from the mind over working rather than at a normal pace at night or throughout our daily routines.

   I had insomnia, and now I have gained it back. My phobias have long gone been an issue for me, I keep convincing myself that I am braver than what I appear. But when I am fighting myself, I know of my own weakness and am most afraid to fight an enemy who knows mines. 

  Perhaps in some cases we will have battles to lose, and I hope after this unfortunate one I won't have to face another... because I know that if I had lost myself in this one it wouldn't have been so easy to get over. 

-LiXMei

My New Addiction

As a woman I feel it is safe to say that our lives revolve around addictions. 

As a human I believe it is safe to say addictions come and go...

In very few years many individuals will pass on some opportunities for others because there is a belief that something better is to come, whether it does or not.

From time to time, I also experience such situations but now my only issues are whether to follow a trend or guide myself upon my own taste and desires because it is simply more pleasing. An addiction is something we become revolved around without our own acknowledgement after all... N currently my new addiction would be facial cleansers

"Clinique" is now my newest tester, I want to see if this item will live up to its name and beauty. I find it to be rather classy looking and very elegant for just cleansers~^^ something new and fun I'd say.  

1-2-3 step care can be bothersome but when it looks good afterwards perhaps it will be worth it :D 

Reminising in the Tunnel

"Reminiscence. Recall. Memories. "

     It is hard to actually recall memories of our childhood, but it is not unlikely once the mind has become attentive to the things that happens around it to recall from time to time memories of remorse, love, or happiness.
The Human Mind has its own way of working why we remember and recall what we do much mean the mind has created a memory tunnel for us to not forget a certain memory. For some people though it is the people in our memories perhaps that trails us back to reminiscence those moments.

[Tunnel Inquired]
It is dark and it is cold,
I am alone and lost...
searching for warmth, i feel bewildered
approaching the tunnel I wish for more
into the past I feel not poor
into the future I can inquire for warmth
Perhaps it is me, her, or he
Memories lost, memories gained
Today I walk into the tunnel
Blinking my eyes to wonder
....memories, lost yet alive
in a tunnel I fear not to strive


....life is that complete maybe.
We know not of tomorrow, know not of the future, but we can recall the past. Remembering things as we like, recalling them as we would enjoy to say.
The tunnel of time, the tunnel of memories, or that tunnel of emotions that keeps us remembering our pains, our loves, our sadness... it no one but ourselves that leaves these trails and caves that leads to our past, and soon our futures.

*tunnel* (photodislcaimer/not my own)

-LXMEI-

A million issues to worry about, but I choose to relax

   If you read the title and feel like you're confused, then good it was meant so. If you read the title and felt as though it is understandable then good we are on the same boat.

   I went through a lot as a child, and even more as my journey slowly goes on but sadly my "issues" have yet to end. I do not choose to avoid them but rather live with them. Some mistakes I;ve made in the past are things I cannot change, some sacrifices I've made were more than necessary but like any other normal human I am made of flesh and feelings so I do feel even subtle pain. I choose to relax though, because regardless of all those things I know something will never change. My mindset is always going to be the same.

   Only once in a while will I get so tired to the point where I feel as though there are no escapes but even them I tell myself to just get up and keep going but truthfully I don't have a strong mindset then, I'm going through instinct. Instinct is what will ruin a person or lead them to succeed.
To me conquering each day one by one is already a small success but to others it may be nothing.

Lending a helping hand to someone can make me feel great but even then as a human and as a women, I ridicule.
I wonder, who in the right minds would be stupid enough to have such thoughts, so such actions or even possible just think to myself about many many things.

We all have secrets, we all like secrets. Secrets are what make us mysteries. How well do you know your best friends, your family, your past or maybe even your future?
 
   Perhaps I like to live like I'm in a novel waiting for some climax but when it hits and arrives I may just choose the low road and cruise my way around it because I don't want that climax but I am looking for another.

And like anyone else, ....I am lost, but I am not.

I see what I wish, just like you
I choose what I chose because it is my choice,
the outcome is what I make it to be
not what it wishes to be
I am in control so I can control.

Life is simple, just live it day by day and those issues will be nothing but climaxes.

-LiXMei

Plastic Bottles

Funny incident occurred today when I had a little dispute with a good old' friend of mines. He says he liked writing poems, I didn't doubt this one bit but I did know I've never heard one of his.
He made a video of himself reading a poem about "Plastic", in reference to a plastic bottle is like a girl.
The poem itself covered many things, how the girl starts out and how she changes through her influences from others, and really this comparison is one I have yet to think of.

Woman or girls we really are like plastic bottles, but my thought process a little different from his.
The only way to technically reshape a plastic bottle is to burn it, and that is one of the many way to throw it away and destroy it so it becomes a different form of matter.
Regardless this made me think that maybe in life woman should be like that, we look clear, fragile and can be filled up with anything very easily (let it be sweets or bitter moments) but in the end it is only ourselves that make us whom we are.
What makes us this plastic is what keeps us so strong and because plastic is recyclable, woman have those thoughts on how they can change into different things and people, but in reality we are all still the same.

We are Plastics. 

The days go by fast but I miss them even faster

Ever sit around all day and wonder what you wish to do and before you realize it half the day is gone?
This is slowly becoming my life, I have many task to complete but like many of you I do lose that power within me to fight and move forward... I become helpless, and I no longer want to do anything.
I'd rather sit infront of a window watch what the world outside of my little room is doing, sounds stalkerish but honestly you can notice a lot of things when its nothing but you and a window. (throw in some headphones and also some nice ballads)

I still know that I have things to do, but I notice more when everything to me is still, silent and just taking its steps one by one.
I've noticed that children can be excited by the little things like the weather of cold, snow that makes us adults or teenagers feel disgust and remorse. In a child's eyes they simply want to do a simple thing- PLAY~ playing is living. As adults we play too but we choose so many boring games that our lives become dim and boring almost pointless once we hit a final destination brink through our many boring levels of this game.

We work, we study, we work, we study, we sit and mope and we sit and we complain, we do everything but enjoy what is really there before us to take in.
We teach eachother this uselessness within us and we start to make it a habit soon it becomes so addicting that its like a drug.
I can sit and do nothing but play on my cell phone for hours, I can even just lay in bed for hour and do nothing but lay there, sounds pathetic and boring but rather this is my way of relaxing.

I like you all also play this game~, working and attempting to study but my focus is broken by miscellaneous thoughts and unconditional worries.
My attention spam is normal granted very strong but recently I've lost that good trait and just made everyday a new goal, living on the edge if I can name it that.
I have slow-ed this game down, doing things in my own speed: a comforting thing honestly.

Enjoy Life in your own speed, don't let it slip from your hands but rather embrace it with whatever pace you wish- some like fast paces, some drag their feet, some skip around, and others like me like to sit and stare at how time goes by. 

No matter how it will pass, choose the journey at least and the pacing must be just comfortable. 

Why sit in the past with the future in sight?

There are a lot of things in this lifetime as humans no one will ever be able to answer,

we discover, we question, and we uncover

One thing that never changes is our past

we can try to erase our memories but in our memories are our

joys, our regrets, our remorse and over all that in our memories

lives part of ourselves. 

The past is not a place to dwell though, it is a place to remember only as a memory

The past is a place to let our mistakes sit and replay in our minds

The past lives forever only to replay the same images

our mistakes were caused for us to learn

if we don't learn then they reoccur.

Memories of the past should only aide us in grasping our future

the future is something we can map

something to indulge our thoughts and our emotions

a place to allow our dreams of the past resurface 

In the future,

lays a new beginning.

Gather all your courage to march forward, leave the old and the upsetting in the past.

Once it is behind you, it will always be nothing but a past.

A part of you that doesn't need to keep moving forward

In the new future, the past can be nothing but 

memories.

"SMILE AND MOVE FORWARD"