. . . S U B C O N S C I O U S . . .

Photographer: Trev.Art 

. Your Subconscious Worth .  

.  3.11.2017 .

      In the setting that we are all living among strangers we are fighting ourselves daily to find the reasons to meet the needs of our higher selves (parents, or individuals of interest in this case) but we also strive to meet our own aspirations. To some, it is a matter of time and for others it is a matter of peer support and the subconscious hunger for personal success. Success comes to those who have created the ideals of an individual with no 'visible' fear of failure, and a subconscious urge for greater heights built upon their own potential. 

     The years we spent in our adolescence may have seemed to have been the hardest of our times as ants in this growing colony. Yet, as time passes some become stronger they learn to fight and show grit to all challenges. Others, decide to not want more for themselves and settle for the minimal essential. Then, there are the select few who do not fight or settle but condemn themselves to a lost phase - searching, dreaming, wishing to find what it is they actually wish to attain in this futuristic lifestyle.  

    Watching many individuals grow, and others fall I've seen myself in the reflection of those younger than me, the ones yet to experience the incidents to break them. I've lost, to where I hated myself. I've won to where I did not think it was enough and wanted more. BUT, I've always been aware of my subconscious self : the side of me who knows not of my lose or my wins but my true value and worth. Subconsciously you must know your worth, and your values so you can create something of a platform to stand upon and carry yourself as you battle your way through the days, months and years to pass. 

     Subconscious - (defined as the part of one's mind that influences your actions, thoughts and emotions) arises to conscious and awareness once you've attained your aspirations or when others give doubt to what you desire to achieve. When others show you the negative, and you do not fail but rather raise yourself above all else ; you find yourself lurking in your subconscious mindset demanding a reason behind your actions or behavior that led to such success.

And in no matter of time, you will turn to the subconscious thoughts to look for more answers. Answers perhaps at one time in life you did not know how to answer but due to years or months of processing and restoration you've come to conclude upon analysis. No matter what the answers or the thoughts/emotions/actions you may omit yourself too - it has been done and the days will end, the time will pass and your subconscious nature will stay.To be kind, to be humble, to be honest or to be discreet your actions lay upon those values in your subconscious mind. A beautiful place, away from the rushes of strangers and others intentions - this place is where is truly flourish 'your worth'.  

Love always, 

LxMei

. S o m e w h e r e . S o m e h o w . S o m e d a y .

S o m e w h e r e :

I once wandered through my days thinking of all the places I could be but here. 

I struggled like anyone else trying to find peace at heart, an answer that was at point blank distance yet I always missed.

Searching nights restlessly hoping one day I'd have the answers I ponder hours for, yet here I am still wondering if I ever needed to worry for all the little matters to weigh me down for the years to come. 

The answer is...  No. 

S o m e h o w: 

No one held my hands when I fought myself through my darkest time,

I never wished nor wanted for that to get in the way of my relations with others. 

Yet, today I am here standing on my own two feet - still asking myself if things would have been different would I have set aside my own strengths and indulged in my weaknesses. 

Others ask of guidance, some ask for a reference and today I am asking if  I would truly change any of my past decisions. 

The answer is... No. 

S o m e d a y: 

In legends, and fairy tales there are exciting events and happy endings. 

But in between alike there are increments of sadness, remorse, anger, and regret. 

In life someday, I just want to be able to look back at my life and smile not in defeat but with contentment. 

Compliment myself for the path I did choose. Embrace who I have become, and someday even tell myself - " you made it." 

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With time drifting I find life all the more beautiful.

There are ugly moments, but I know now it was only a moment. 

There are memories I still shed tears for, but I know now they were worth every second. 

Someday, Somehow, Somewhere : 

I reflect upon my deepest desires to fight with my greatest fears. 

Celebrating my growth through my passion, ambitions, and dreams. 

Love,
LxMei

This is what time has done to me

. 09. 29. 2017 . 

Time, this is what I want to talk about today. 

I'm not exactly, sad but I'm not exactly happy. 

Balance perhaps.

This is what time has done to me. 

It's gifted me with times to rejoice over my success, 

cry about my failures, 

and rethink over how I can do better next time. 

It built into me though i feel, to sense all my emotions just pass by. 

It's like watching sand drip from one side to another, I'm just watching the days go by now. 

Perhaps many share a similar setting, we all feel lost at a stand still. 

I am grateful though, to have another day to stare into the sand bottle. 

I am humble to have so many moments to worry about the things around me. 

My adventurous soul seeks more though, something out there in the world 

it continues to call me. 

What are you? Who are you? and Where are you? 

Some say, those who think too much are over-thinkers. But on the contrary we simply think  as we feel, and we feel with those thoughts. 

The wise didn't become so without learning lessons that they encompassed over time. 

And my time elapse - is now from the last time I embarked on an adventure. 

Success, is failure should I feel I've yet to feel my own freedom. 

A free spirit cannot be caged. 

High off of reality, time to create some more to my fantasy.   

xoxo, LxMei

This is me, NOW.

"A little high off of reality, so I like creating a little fantasy." 

No better words to describe my motto for life. We find ourselves wrapped up in so much during these times of our lives (in relation to any part of your life that is) ; for me currently that would be summer course, ending a relationship with my previous boyfriend, and somehow seeing a new version of myself. 

More so, I guess I can say I've inched forward a few steps and started to see things for what they are and less so let them keep me down. 

I used to argue with myself as to why I do the things that I do. I have my answer now. 

Why else? because I chose too.

That was my first step. 

So, whatever you are doing that is making you upset. Just STOP. 

It is doable. You will care still, maybe. Or perhaps you'll hit an epiphany and just stop caring altogether. Move on- and just be happy.

I realized that my life was very tiring all the time, I was always focused on balancing this and that and trying to make everything work and now, I've come to my senses that I am not in charge all the time and that is okay. 

I inhaled a little more than I could handle. So now I'm toning it down and letting my imagination run wild for me. 

so henceforth comes my saying: 

 high off of reality but still creating a little fantasy...

An overdose is never a good thing, so I've tamed down quite a bit and just started to take my days one at a time. Only planning about one or two weeks - and moving with whatever I am given.

Thing is, I've been in a lot of pain lately. I've been lost. I've been hurt.

But I never could truly give up, I still cared about those things that pertain only to me the most and not others.

I realize something very clearly in that moment: 

I matter to myself, more than anyone else. I can't control everyone or everything but I am in control of me. 

So I took a deep breath and cried the last of my tears, moped for my last 24 hours and hit restart.

Makes me sound like a robot but in all honesty: 

I don't think, I think like others. 

My past hurt me a lot, but I've never regretted anything

My future terrifies me, but I'll never stop doing something because of fear

AND

If I loved with everything I had, even if it was nothing in others eyes

TO ME

That was enough. 

"Every fictional book, has a happily ever after or a THE END." 

Don't flip the chapters anymore my darlings, just put that book away if you don't like it. 

Start over, a clear mind, a happy soul, and be passionate about yourself. 

Letting go, is goodbye but in a form of awaiting a new HELLO.

Love,

LxMei

Suicide Awareness, I'm a survivor

Smile, laugh and make the best of every moment you're given. 

You hit rock bottom, its okay now you can get back on your feet. 

You got judge for who you are, its okay there are still people who love your presence. 

You feel pressured by life, its okay keep striving Rome wasn't built in one day. 

Life's bumpy, obstacles happen, no one is always happy but keep smiling- keep striving because even if we are strangers I'll tell you one thing from experience:

Your live matters, your laugh is beautiful, your passion, perseverance and everything about you is out of this world captivating.

Yes, I'm a survivor. Who isn't, who doesn't fight to survive. Stay strong, if no one listens write it down, cry it out, run it off - fight because you are not alone.

Love, LiXmei

Some fears compliment other fears

A phobia is something that has a background to it... its a fear, an emotion. 

Human's are supposed to be able to control their emotions and once I too believed this. It was until I realized there are times we will lose ourselves to our emotion.

  Insomnia and anxiety all come from the mind over working rather than at a normal pace at night or throughout our daily routines.

   I had insomnia, and now I have gained it back. My phobias have long gone been an issue for me, I keep convincing myself that I am braver than what I appear. But when I am fighting myself, I know of my own weakness and am most afraid to fight an enemy who knows mines. 

  Perhaps in some cases we will have battles to lose, and I hope after this unfortunate one I won't have to face another... because I know that if I had lost myself in this one it wouldn't have been so easy to get over. 

-LiXMei