It is time to release the lantern...

No matter how beautiful the times, the memories, every moment will come to an end. When something so sweet, becomes so bitter we tend to forget when it was once our everything. The late nights, the dreams, the adventures, and ever so more how we felt. 

I won't forget you. 

When my life hit rock bottom, you were that light. 

When my light was dim, you continued to push me forward. 

You taught me to become who I am today, so even now when I wish to give up. 

I cannot. 

A few days ago, I created a piece in memory of you. 

In memory of your warm smile, your jokes, your everything. 

I miss you so much, but I cannot even express the words I feel inside.

I am flustered but one day I will be fine. 

This may dear I say, be the first time I truly feel in love. 

Yet, even I knew this love would never last. 

I miss feeling you beside me.

I miss seeing your eyes, and getting lost inside.

I miss your guidance, your temper and your love. 

I miss you. 

I intend to close off my heart from here on, I have yet to express this to no one. 

But I want to reserve apart of me, for you forever. 

So until I change and become another- that light that once shined within me will always be apart of my heart tunnels buried and alive. 

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Passcode

04.23.2018

Zero two one eight 

A day I once felt some weight

Wrong numbers wrong codes wrong fate 

Now I fear only the wait 

How much more must I lose from my plate 

And for whose sake 

We speak not of when things will accumulate

Only of how one will walk away

I love you, Rudolph. 

<3 LixMei

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY : 02/14/18 - S T R U G G L I N G -

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY 

S T R U G G L ES OF 02/14/2018

Let's start off with a happy opening, Happy Valentines Day loves ! May you all be blessed and gifted with nothing but the greatest ! 

Today was another one of those days I suppose, I have been struggling with school and life (maintaining relationships, balancing bills, and trying to get by with daily tasks) . 

Although, life is moving forward now and I am not as lost among goals to what I want to achieve I cannot say I have myself where I'd like to be most. Sufficient though is what I am. I find myself happy and eager to embrace everyday - which is always a good push forward for me. 

So here on out, let's keep going. 

. When my glance reaches back, I want to see you .

When my glance reaches back, I want to see you . 

I hope that there was another word for eternity but there isn't

Eternity is where I'd like to continue to meet you . 

It is where I want to hold you in my embrace,

and caress you until the sun sets . 

I am a strong believer in you do not need to have another to build yourself, 

you do not need to depend on another to complete your life. 

Yet, I am a strong believer of "I love you" 

It doesn't come easy, 

It was something that I never had a problem with - this I will admit. 

Many individuals share love with me in my life. 

My parents: the first. 

My friends: the ones who became like blood. 

My lover(s): the ones to cross through life with me. 

and my one and only beloveds I love you all, 

thank you for always guiding me in this 

lost world of wonders, worries, and surprises. 

It is Christmas time soon, and my favorite memories will replay as the year ends for me, so I say: 

" I'll stare down from the highest peak, 

thankful for all I once had before my goodbye... 

The last flash of lights, during the coldest of night,

 I'll let the last of my soul meet with flight. " 

xoxo, 

-LiXmei

. . . S U B C O N S C I O U S . . .

Photographer: Trev.Art 

. Your Subconscious Worth .  

.  3.11.2017 .

      In the setting that we are all living among strangers we are fighting ourselves daily to find the reasons to meet the needs of our higher selves (parents, or individuals of interest in this case) but we also strive to meet our own aspirations. To some, it is a matter of time and for others it is a matter of peer support and the subconscious hunger for personal success. Success comes to those who have created the ideals of an individual with no 'visible' fear of failure, and a subconscious urge for greater heights built upon their own potential. 

     The years we spent in our adolescence may have seemed to have been the hardest of our times as ants in this growing colony. Yet, as time passes some become stronger they learn to fight and show grit to all challenges. Others, decide to not want more for themselves and settle for the minimal essential. Then, there are the select few who do not fight or settle but condemn themselves to a lost phase - searching, dreaming, wishing to find what it is they actually wish to attain in this futuristic lifestyle.  

    Watching many individuals grow, and others fall I've seen myself in the reflection of those younger than me, the ones yet to experience the incidents to break them. I've lost, to where I hated myself. I've won to where I did not think it was enough and wanted more. BUT, I've always been aware of my subconscious self : the side of me who knows not of my lose or my wins but my true value and worth. Subconsciously you must know your worth, and your values so you can create something of a platform to stand upon and carry yourself as you battle your way through the days, months and years to pass. 

     Subconscious - (defined as the part of one's mind that influences your actions, thoughts and emotions) arises to conscious and awareness once you've attained your aspirations or when others give doubt to what you desire to achieve. When others show you the negative, and you do not fail but rather raise yourself above all else ; you find yourself lurking in your subconscious mindset demanding a reason behind your actions or behavior that led to such success.

And in no matter of time, you will turn to the subconscious thoughts to look for more answers. Answers perhaps at one time in life you did not know how to answer but due to years or months of processing and restoration you've come to conclude upon analysis. No matter what the answers or the thoughts/emotions/actions you may omit yourself too - it has been done and the days will end, the time will pass and your subconscious nature will stay.To be kind, to be humble, to be honest or to be discreet your actions lay upon those values in your subconscious mind. A beautiful place, away from the rushes of strangers and others intentions - this place is where is truly flourish 'your worth'.  

Love always, 

LxMei

. S o m e w h e r e . S o m e h o w . S o m e d a y .

S o m e w h e r e :

I once wandered through my days thinking of all the places I could be but here. 

I struggled like anyone else trying to find peace at heart, an answer that was at point blank distance yet I always missed.

Searching nights restlessly hoping one day I'd have the answers I ponder hours for, yet here I am still wondering if I ever needed to worry for all the little matters to weigh me down for the years to come. 

The answer is...  No. 

S o m e h o w: 

No one held my hands when I fought myself through my darkest time,

I never wished nor wanted for that to get in the way of my relations with others. 

Yet, today I am here standing on my own two feet - still asking myself if things would have been different would I have set aside my own strengths and indulged in my weaknesses. 

Others ask of guidance, some ask for a reference and today I am asking if  I would truly change any of my past decisions. 

The answer is... No. 

S o m e d a y: 

In legends, and fairy tales there are exciting events and happy endings. 

But in between alike there are increments of sadness, remorse, anger, and regret. 

In life someday, I just want to be able to look back at my life and smile not in defeat but with contentment. 

Compliment myself for the path I did choose. Embrace who I have become, and someday even tell myself - " you made it." 

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With time drifting I find life all the more beautiful.

There are ugly moments, but I know now it was only a moment. 

There are memories I still shed tears for, but I know now they were worth every second. 

Someday, Somehow, Somewhere : 

I reflect upon my deepest desires to fight with my greatest fears. 

Celebrating my growth through my passion, ambitions, and dreams. 

Love,
LxMei

This is what time has done to me

. 09. 29. 2017 . 

Time, this is what I want to talk about today. 

I'm not exactly, sad but I'm not exactly happy. 

Balance perhaps.

This is what time has done to me. 

It's gifted me with times to rejoice over my success, 

cry about my failures, 

and rethink over how I can do better next time. 

It built into me though i feel, to sense all my emotions just pass by. 

It's like watching sand drip from one side to another, I'm just watching the days go by now. 

Perhaps many share a similar setting, we all feel lost at a stand still. 

I am grateful though, to have another day to stare into the sand bottle. 

I am humble to have so many moments to worry about the things around me. 

My adventurous soul seeks more though, something out there in the world 

it continues to call me. 

What are you? Who are you? and Where are you? 

Some say, those who think too much are over-thinkers. But on the contrary we simply think  as we feel, and we feel with those thoughts. 

The wise didn't become so without learning lessons that they encompassed over time. 

And my time elapse - is now from the last time I embarked on an adventure. 

Success, is failure should I feel I've yet to feel my own freedom. 

A free spirit cannot be caged. 

High off of reality, time to create some more to my fantasy.   

xoxo, LxMei

To My Star

To my dear star: 

Be Brave 

Be Strong 

Have Faith 

Do your best, and never forget you are amazing. 

You've grown a great amount in these last few days, and years. I've seen you shine brightly in the dark skies for years and this year you've been like a flying meteor going about to not face not only your worse fears but to open your beautiful heart to learn to receive to hurt and to heal. 

There are no words to express how proud I am of you, but you should know I am evermore pleased with all you have done. 

In my eyes you're already attaining so much, and these next few months I know you'll continue to surprise me. I love you. 

Travel safe, and remember behind you is an army of those who love you. 

To my dear soulmate, I love you. 

To my dear best friend, I will miss you.

To my love, I will be here waiting for your return. 

A friendship doesn't change because of distance, you are going on a journey now to become more successful and I am going to stay here to fight for mine as well.

"TOGETHER we shall FIGHT!" 

Love, XiaoMei <3