"A little high off of reality, so I like creating a little fantasy."
No better words to describe my motto for life. We find ourselves wrapped up in so much during these times of our lives (in relation to any part of your life that is) ; for me currently that would be summer course, ending a relationship with my previous boyfriend, and somehow seeing a new version of myself.
More so, I guess I can say I've inched forward a few steps and started to see things for what they are and less so let them keep me down.
I used to argue with myself as to why I do the things that I do. I have my answer now.
Why else? because I chose too.
That was my first step.
So, whatever you are doing that is making you upset. Just STOP.
It is doable. You will care still, maybe. Or perhaps you'll hit an epiphany and just stop caring altogether. Move on- and just be happy.
I realized that my life was very tiring all the time, I was always focused on balancing this and that and trying to make everything work and now, I've come to my senses that I am not in charge all the time and that is okay.
I inhaled a little more than I could handle. So now I'm toning it down and letting my imagination run wild for me.
so henceforth comes my saying:
high off of reality but still creating a little fantasy...
An overdose is never a good thing, so I've tamed down quite a bit and just started to take my days one at a time. Only planning about one or two weeks - and moving with whatever I am given.
Thing is, I've been in a lot of pain lately. I've been lost. I've been hurt.
But I never could truly give up, I still cared about those things that pertain only to me the most and not others.
I realize something very clearly in that moment:
I matter to myself, more than anyone else. I can't control everyone or everything but I am in control of me.
So I took a deep breath and cried the last of my tears, moped for my last 24 hours and hit restart.
Makes me sound like a robot but in all honesty:
I don't think, I think like others.
My past hurt me a lot, but I've never regretted anything
My future terrifies me, but I'll never stop doing something because of fear
AND
If I loved with everything I had, even if it was nothing in others eyes
TO ME
That was enough.
"Every fictional book, has a happily ever after or a THE END."
Don't flip the chapters anymore my darlings, just put that book away if you don't like it.
Start over, a clear mind, a happy soul, and be passionate about yourself.
Letting go, is goodbye but in a form of awaiting a new HELLO.
Love,
LxMei
